Corsair the Rational Pirate

Since They Conquered Starvation...

The North Koreans have decided that haircuts are the next enemy of the People:

North Korea has launched an intensive media assault on its latest arch enemy - the wrong haircut.

A campaign exhorting men to get a proper short-back-and-sides has been aired by state-run Pyongyang television.

The series is entitled Let us trim our hair in accordance with Socialist lifestyle.

It is a little early in the morning and a weekend to boot here in the Corsair Cave, so I really can't do justice to this story. Plus I was up late last night (this morning) watching Lord of the Rings Extended Version and the Corsair Kids were sick and got up early anyway so the synapses are not all firing at the right time or in the same direction.

So... Socialist hair... I suppose each hair contributes to the head as a whole to its ability and receives shampoo and brushing in relation to it's needs. Mousse, of course is an enemy of the scalp and should be ruthlessly rooted out for the good of the whole hairstyle. And don't get me started on hair plugs.

Pyongyang television started the campaign last autumn with a five-part series in its regular TV Common Sense programme.

Oh, man! I have got to get that on DVD. a five-part series for Kim IL Sung's sake! What a comic goldmine that would be. I suppose shows are titled:

Episode 1. Your Barber: Socialist Hero to the People
Episode 2. Dandruff: Disease or Evidence of Moral Turpitude
Episode 3. Mousse is the Opiate of the Masses
Episode 4. Kim Jong IL's Historic Address to the 23rd Party Congress on Juche and the Self Sufficient Hair Style
Episode 5. The Mullet: Western Imperialist Plot to Destory Army-Based Socialism by Reducing the People's Birth Rate or Just Ugly Style?

Of course it would have flashy opening credits and graphics showing great socialist and Marxist leaders in history having a trim and a shampoo (but no pedicures, that is strictly bourgeoise.

Of course there is a reason in their madness:

It stressed the "negative effects" of long hair on "human intelligence development", noting that long hair "consumes a great deal of nutrition" and could thus rob the brain of energy.

There is only so much nutrition that grass and bark contribute to the body, having hair sucking it all up doesn't help anyone! And anyway, all those flowing locks falling to the ground in barber shops can be converted into a tasty hair and toenail soup which the people can eat instead of shoe leather.

Then there is this:

Television newsreels such as "Employees of Pyongyang Textile Plant keep their hairstyle and dressing neat and tidy" and "Hairdressers at Ch'anggwangwo'n manage men's hair according to the demands of the military-first era" have also aired.

You might think I am making this up... You would be wrong.

And you know, shoes make the socialist:

"No matter how good the clothes, if one does not wear tidy shoes, one's personality will be downgraded."

I don't have problems with footwear. I don't have a pegleg, but I do sport some stylin' Chucks:

I can't stress enough what a wacky place North Korea is... Why else do you think the Party is Supreme there?!

posted by corsair the rational pirate at 10:22

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