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It's That Time Again

It has been almost 2 years since my last visit to "Kiss Hank's Ass". Time for a repeat.

Read it all here!

Now, if'n that ain't the funniest gawd-damnned thing you ever read, I'll use my hat for a hand grenade!
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 13:38

IT's Korea! = IT's A Mistake

In Korea and Japan they use the English language differently. They have what is called Japlish and Konglish. These are words and phrases created in the English language but used in other places to mean something completely different... Or mean nothing at all. The problem here is that "I do not think it means what you think it means" applies. People who really speak English look at what the Konglish speaker has created and scratches his head in bemusement.

Korea is doing it again:

A private national image promotion institute on Thursday proposed ``IT's Korea!'' as the English slogan best suited for promoting South Korea's image abroad.

The slogan was chosen through a recent competition held by the Corea Image Communication Institute (CICI) and was announced during a symposium to establish the image of South Korea, hosted by the CICI at the Westin Chosun Hotel in Seoul.

According to Choi Jung-wha, president of CICI, the ``IT'' in ``IT's Korea'' can stand for three different concepts.

``IT is an acronym of not only `information & technology' but also `innovation & tradition.''' Choi said. ``IT also means `integration and transformation,' which are two words that describe the changing South Korean society and reunified future Korea.''

OK, the Information and Technology bit I get. Although I would bet lots of money that plenty of English speakers, when asked wouldn't know what the hell that meant and that is really the only one in common use. However, it is not "information & technology", it is just "information technology".

The second one is stretching is a bit. "Innovation & Tradition?" A google search comes up with sites about shingles and architecture (the GIS is even better, who knew there were books about shingles?)

And the third one is even goofier: "Integration and Transformation" gets you stuff about meditation and data warehousing.

All of these are fine ideas in and of themselves, but what does meditating on shingles have to do with Korea?

Choi said that the slogan proposed by CICI could give the nation a more high-tech and innovative image. Choi added that she doesn't believe it would conflict with ``Dynamic Korea,'' the government's current slogan for national image promotion, but that the new slogan could be more succinct and practical than the government's slogan.

OK, if you say so, Choi-boy. The problem, of course is one of mouth-breathing, American hicks who get their ideas on Korea from the news:

Besides the issue of establishing of the nation?s image, the symposium also advised Korea to make consistent efforts to raise the understanding of Korea and shed negative images of the country abroad.

Tami Overby, executive vice president of the American Chamber of Commerce in Korea, pointed out that despite the difference in reality, the negative images of Korea, affected by U.S. media reports, are prevailing. According to Overby, many U.S. citizens believe South Koreans hate America, Korean companies are corrupt, there is a war threat between two Koreas, and Korean laborers are all militant and violent.

``We recognize the perceptions of Korea among most Americans are either outdated or simply wrong. So we all need to increase our efforts to help change the perceptions to more closely match the positive,?? she said.

OK, lets look at this. "Many South Koreans hate America." I wonder why that would be:



Could it be the frenzied destruction of our symbol of national unity? Nah, just a bunch of dumb Americans, probably.

How about "Korea companies are corrupt"?

According to President Kim Dae-jung, eliminating corruption and reforming the political sector are prerequisites for sustainable economic growth in South Korea,

A pay-for-favors system is endemic across Korea in areas ranging from politics, school teaching and journalism. Under this system, white envelopes containing money are dispersed in order to get preferential treatment. Transparency International ranks Korea the 48th most corrupt country in its overall list of 90 nations reviewed.

Many observers have blamed the rampant corruption as one of the root causes of its economic woes and achievement of business transparency is considered an urgent task.

I guess Kim Dae Jung is a hick from backwoods Kentucky and don't know nothing about no Korean bizness.

And what about this whole mythical "threat of war"? The US is trying to move people around in Korea but is getting nowhere with North Korea:

There are about 600 South Korean and U.S. troops in the area now, the South Korean Defense Ministry said. South Koreans account for about 70 percent of the force, but that figure will jump to 93 percent after the Oct. 31 handover. After that date, U.S. forces will comprise just 7 percent of the region's defensive punch.

On Sunday, North Korea condemned a reduction of U.S. forces along the DMZ as preparation for a pre-emptive attack against the communist country. The North sometimes argues that a pullout signals an attack, because it would reduce the risk of immediate U.S. casualties along the border fighting zone.

So staying at the DMZ provokes the NoKos. And leaving the DMZ provokes the NoKos. Seems to be a pretty warlike place to me.

And finally we have the awful misperception that "Korean laborers are all militant and violent". Nothing could be further from the truth!

Trade union militants in South Korea's capital, Seoul, have attacked riot police with fire bombs and metal pipes.
At least 12 people, including some policemen, were injured in the clashes.

About 40,000 workers took part in the protest against labour laws under which union leaders can be sued for lost production during strikes.

Three union leaders have committed suicide over the measures that have led to a wave of labour unrest and caused industrial output to drop.

Mourning robes

The workers say they are out to avenge their colleagues who killed themselves in recent weeks in protest against government policies.

Some, wearing mourning dress, marched with pictures of dead union leaders.

Others waved red and white flags and banners, including one that read "No more killing".

Kinda rough when you have to plead for not being killed when you go on strike.

So everything that Americans believe about Korea is a misconception. I just wonder where the misconceptions began in the first place. Couldn't have been the peace loving, truth telling denizens of the Land of the Morning Calm, could it?

Nah, Could it be Satan?
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 09:13

What The Hell is "Regular Flavor"?

So I am brushing the ole toofies this morning and I notice that I had recently bought "Colgate Cavity Protection Regular Flavor". I start thinking, "What do they mean by 'Regular Flavor'"? Is there a regular flavor in toothpaste? Is there an irregular flavor? Is there New and improved flavor?

Do other products have "regular" and non-regular flavors? Is there a "regular" flavored hamburger, or diet soda, or pasta? If you taste regular flavored wine could you tell the differece with non-regular flavored wine? And how about beer? And salmon? And rice?

So how did Colgate get the nod to produce the industry leading "Regular" flavor and do all the other dentifrice producing companies have to follow the same formula in order to market their oral cleaning products as "regular", so as to avoid the "Crest Irregular Flavored Toothpaste with Whitening and Breath Freshness" marketing stigma?
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 07:48

This Ever Happen to Anyone?

Back in the stone age, when I was in fifth grade our teacher (Mr. Parks, if I am not mistaken) gave us a test but didn't tell us anything about it. All he said was to read the instructions carefully. So, naturally I skipped the instructions and started in on the test. There were about 50 questions and all of them were pretty silly but time consuming. Things like "Circle the verb in this sentence" and "Write the next number: 2 4 6 8 ...". Stuff any reasonably competent fifth-grader should get with ease.

As I was cruising along getting all the questions right, someone stood up, turned in his test and sat back down. How can this be, I thought. I was only on question 10 or 20. How did that guy finish so quickly? I soon found out. When I got to the second to last question it said something to the effect of "Go back and read the instructions again, carefully this time and do what it says". What does that mean? So off to page one I went and read the following instructions (which I had pretty much skipped before): "Read all questions carefully before doing anything else on the test."

I moved back to the last question and I read something like "Put your name on the first page and turn it in without doing anything else. Congratulations."

Dayum. He got me.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 15:38

Cows? OK! Children? Maybe Later

North Korea is a real piece of work. Fours years ago Chung Ju Yung, chairman of the Hyundai Group in South Korea donated 500 cows to North Korea. In order to get them to the NoKo's he took them by truck. "By truck?!" you ask. "How did he get there by truck? Isn't there a DMZ in the way?" You would be correct. But there was video involved:

KOREAN DMZ Chung Ju Yung, 83, the founder of the Hyundai group, led another herd of 501 cows across the line dividing North and South. The livestock were transported in 50 new Hyundai trucks. Heading the convoy were 20 Hyundai passenger cars, including one which is intended for use by Kim Jong Il - it is specially equipped with a built-in video player.

So now that there are thousands of injured people (lots and lots of them being children as there was a school next to the tracks) who need medical supplies due to the big train explosion. Well, why not have the South send lots of drugs and such through that very same DMZ? Naaaaaah. No video players involved:

China and South Korea have each promised $1m in aid to their neighbour.

But the South Korean aid effort suffered a blow with North Korea refusing to allow supplies into the country across the land border - one of the most densely-militarised zones in the world.

Red Cross officials said delivering aid by road would take about four hours. Sea transportation, the other alternative, would take two days.

North Korea is notoriously sensitive about the area around the demilitarised zone (DMZ) which separates the two Koreas, and negotiating any changes to procedures there is rarely swift.

North Korea has proposed discussing the South Korean offer at talks on Tuesday.

Tuesday?!?! Aren't the people dying there today?

Bastards! Bad-hair, your-mother-dressed-you-funny, slope-headed, IQ-less bastards. So worried about their stupid little country but not concerned in the least for the people in that insane asylum. We can only hope that KJI picked up the AIDS or SARS or something on his last trip to China and dies a horrible, painful, swift death.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 14:49

Look at all the Ladies

I am not at all on the feminists side of things most of the time (as I am not on the Religious Right's side any of the time) but you have to give props when you can get this many ladies in one place at one time...



But think of the lines at the porta-potties!
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 09:01

If They Can't See That This Is The Problem...

Then they can't be helped.

Aleksandr Levchenko, co-author of the survey of Ternopil villages, said those Ukrainians may be forced out by the expanded EU and sent back to Ternopil, where the average monthly wage of $66 ranks it lowest in all of Ukraine.

"They'll come back and they'll demand work and the government can't provide them with this work," he said, sitting in a Ternopil restaurant named Cafe Europe. Pondering the message from the West, he added: "This doesn't make any sense. On the one hand they say, 'Turn your back on Russia, turn to Europe.' But the road to Europe has been blocked."

I know that some of them grew up under communism, which promised to take care of you from cradle to grave (and made the grave part appear a lot sooner in your life than would have happened in a better system) but they have to learn that they live in a different world now. Anyone "demanding" work from the government needs a little reeducation.

This story is juxtaposed with a story showing that they might not want into the EU quite yet:

But it is also a moment of economic concern. For the past five years, the new Central European members -- Poland, the Czech Republic, Slovakia and Hungary -- have had a mediocre economic growth rate of 3 percent a year. Those four countries constitute almost 90 percent of the population of the entering states. (The other six -- Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Slovenia, Malta and Cyprus -- are mini-states, with only 10 million people among them.)

The EU has many advantages, but economic dynamism is no longer one of them. In order to qualify, the applicant countries had to adopt all the bureaucratic EU regulations, including the most moribund of them, known as the Common Agricultural Policy -- a system of subsidies paid to EU farmers. As a result, the Central Europeans should expect their growth to slow: This year, the 15 preexpansion EU members were expected to post an economic growth rate of less than 2 percent. By contrast, the U.S. economy and that of the world as a whole are set to expand by 4.5 percent.

Quick! Let me in to your slowly fading club! Why they would want in now doesn't really make sense:

Meanwhile, in a development that has gotten little notice amid the EU expansion hoopla, the post-Soviet countries further to the east have been booming since 1999. The nine market economies in the former Soviet Union (Russia, Ukraine, Kazakhstan, Moldova, Georgia, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Kyrgyzstan and Tajikistan) have on average grown annually by no less than 7 percent for the last five years. The new tigers are Kazakhstan, Russia and Ukraine -- far more so than Poland, Hungary or the Czech Republic. The three Baltic countries are doing significantly better than the Central Europeans, but not as well as their eastern neighbors.

If the folks in these second tier countries can wait it out and use a little more initiative and a little less waiting for the government to fix all their problems then they should be sitting in the catbird seat (where did that phrase come from?) soon.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 09:57

Good Interview

Penn of Penn and Teller tells it like it is (silly won't like it).

PT) If you want to say that Mel Gibson believes that Jews are evil and beat the shit out of God and he suffered to save your sins and you can do anything bad that you want as long as you embrace him, and you�re going to do okay. I can�t argue with you. You shut me out because you say, �All that matters is what�s inside me and not what other people think and do.� This year we�re doing one show on the Bible and the first monologue that I give is, �if you take this religion on faith and you just say I know it�s hard to believe in, but that�s what God wants me to do and I feel that in my heart� we can�t argue with you at all. There�s no room, no move on the chess board, you just go and believe. However, if you want to say what you believe in your heart has some historic accuracy, you�re screwed.

RTWT...
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 15:10

Sounding Pretty Silly in Here

I stumbled across this exchange on about.com. It sounds an awful lot like the sort of drivel that Silly keeps spouting:

While the never-ending mantra is "there is no god", deep down, the atheist knows all too well that God is real! The atheist, like a young child, decides to ignore God's existence and eschew a moral existence because he feels that God has disappointed him. If his puppy dies, if his parents beat him, or if he doesn't get a bike for Christmas, then he says to himself, "god does not exist."

Austin Cline does a good job of ripping this cut-and-paste clown to shreds. What people like this don't get (because they are probably the ones blaiming god when things do not go their way) is that life sucks sometimes and things do not always go as you would like them to. That's it. It is not hard. But religiods have to make everything hard in order to justify their enormous wastes of time and money on this whole god thing.

Like Glenn Beck. His kid has a horrible disease. Does he say "shit, that sucks"? No, he says "it's a blessing from god!" It is just backward to the way your brain should work. But some people need that security blanket so that they do not have to face life on life's terms... That is: sometimes bad things happen and it is not your fault (unless it was your fault) and there is nothing you can do about it.

Time to put away those childish thoughts, please.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 14:00

Glenn Beck Is Crazy

Sometimes I listen to Glenn Beck on the way home from work. Sean Hannity grates on me for some reason, the John Thompson show on the sports talk station is hard to listen to what with all the marbles in the man's mouth, and NPR is full of lefties. Not that there is all that much great about Glenn, but at least he tries to be entertaining. Up until today, however I didn't know that he was full on, crazy-eyed, pie-faced wacko!

I am listening to his show today and he was discussing cloning dead children (I think there is some upcoming movie or something based on this idea). Some guy called in and said that his 24-week old premature baby had died and he would have loved for there to be something like cloning so that he could replace the dead one with a live one. Beck then indicated that he, too had a child with birth defects (can't remember what kind). He said that he had agonized for a long time and asked "why me" when his child was born that way. But he said "my faith" allowed him to figure out that this child was really a blessing from god since the soul of the child was really an angel who had fought long and hard in a big battle and now, despite being damaged, needed a body so that they would have something to inhabit come the resurrection. So the caller's premature baby was really a blessing since it gave this soul a place to check in and check out so that it could be resurrected.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?! Do people really believe that shit!? Any child who is born with a birth defect is a blessing from god? And since the kid is going to die soon anyway, its all ok? What about the kids who do not die right away and are forced to live in pain for years before finally succumbing. Did they not fight quite hard enough in this mythical "struggle" to earn a quick death? Maybe they were only support troops or they died while falling off a cloud instead of throwing themselves on the spears of the enemy. And why couldn't god reward these fighters with a decent body as reward for their hard work? Wait until the word gets around heaven that all you got waiting for you on earth was a deformed body, a short painful life, bringing sorrow into the lives of others and a lingering death. How many more warriors you going to get with those kind of retirement benefits?

How's about your kid got unlucky and received some mixed up genes and that "souls" and angels" and other shit had nothing to do with it? How's about living in the real world and dealing with your misfortune instead of making up stories to try and make yourself feel better? How not counting horrible suffering and early deaths as a "blessing"?

And some (silly) wonder why us non-believers think that believers are intellectually dishonest and infantile, falling to the ground and giving thanks for misfortune from their deity when they should be raging against such things and fighting to make things better. Or making up stories to make themselves feel better because they can't believe that their loving god would punish them with defective goods after all the money they have given to the church and all the prayers they have lifted to heaven (despite there being no evidence of results). When you hear people's ridiculous justifications for things that just happen, have always happened, and will always happen for no good reason, is it any wonder some of us think some of you aren't quite right in the head?
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 22:57

Death Penalty, Anyone?

Why are these two subhumans not being considered for the death penalty?

A South County couple who allegedly videotaped themselves having sex with a preschool-age relative were ordered Tuesday to stand trial on 88 counts each in a child molestation and kidnapping case.

If convicted, they could face five life sentences, one for each time they are accused of deceiving the child's parents into letting them keep the little girl overnight.

It is not like they are first offenders:

The investigator testified during the first portion of the hearing April 8 that the couple's tapes and CDs showed six children being molested. Detectives believe five of the girls � including an 8-month-old � were molested in Texas, where Hwang once lived and where he will be extradited after the Orange County trial.

I got the perfect punishment and it involves battery acid:

The couple are seen on the video making her drink a dark-colored liquid, which they called "medicine," before the child becomes unconscious, Costello said. She was not awake during the alleged molestation and does not remember anything, the prosecutor said, adding she would not be asked to testify at trial.

Although Sikat is not accused of actually committing the sex acts, she assisted her husband by positioning the child and suggesting he do certain things, Costello said. Sikat's actions warrant the lewd-conduct charges, she said.

What is so wrong about public executions, again?
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 11:46

OK, I Have Had It!

Ladies, avert your eyes whilst I lay bare one of manhood's most vile secrets. Have the Fairer Sex left the room? Good. Now on to the lambasting!

What the hell is up with is up with dudes who have an unquenchable urge to spit into the urinal whilst taking a leak? Stop it, ok! There is no need to expectorate into your urination stream! Especially if you are hawking up a big loogey which never seems to go down the drain, forcing the next urinator to deal with the floating blob of expectorant whilst he is relieving himself!

Have a little class, dammit and keep your spit to yourself!

OK, ladies, you can open your eyes now.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 11:28

Who Says We're Lefties?

Since the Uri (means "us" or "our" in Korean) party won the big election in Korea recently, there has been all this talk about the country going all lefty-commie-socialist. Fact is some people have started to worry about the whole thing:

The government is holding investor relation (IR) sessions in Hong Kong, London and New York from April 23 to 30. This is to placate foreign investors who are nervous that there may be changes in economic policy following the general election. Even Han Duck-soo, Minister of Office for Government Policy Coordination, said, �Government policy won�t move to the 'left' just because the Uri Party secured a parliamentary majority and the Democratic Labor Party made it into the National Assembly.�

But investors and others should have nothing to worry about! Why the government itself doesn't believe it is a commie organization:

SEOUL, April 21 (Yonhap) -- The Government Information Agency (GIA), in charge of promoting South Korea's image at home and abroad, has asked government officials to use the word "reformist" instead of "left" when describing policies of the current administration, according to officials Wednesday.

The request was made following the frequent appearance of the word "left" in foreign media reports in describing South Korea's political landscape in the wake of the parliamentary elections on April 15.

See! You say "tomato", I say "US hating, NoKo loving, string up all the capitalists Commie bastards".

See, when you say it with a Korean accent, they sound the same!
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 09:27

Ahhhhhhhhh! Too Much Work!

Can't get a word in edgewise...

Except this bunch: Netflix weekends continue. This last weekend we had Jaws and Open Range. I seem to be seeing a pattern in my movie viewing. Many of the movies that I have seen over the last month or two revolve around "bad guy shows up, good guy can't get any help, good guy fights bad guy, good guy wins (though with many trials and tribulations)".

Jaws had a big bad shark show up and scare everyone. The sheriff wants to take decisive action but the mayor and his cronies know that this will just upset the tourists so they want to get along with the shark, maybe ignore him and he will go away. The sheriff enlists the aid of a couple of intrepid sailors, hitches up his spurs and goes out to defeat the bad guy (shark).

Open Range (Kenvin Costner and Annette Benning) has a group of "free range" cowboys getting into a big fight with a local rancher who does not want them grazing their "free range" cows on his land or near his town (and it is his since he owns the saloon as well as the sheriff). The cowboys get beat up, some of them get killed and injured and the remaining turn to the uncorrupted townsfolk for help... which is not forthcoming since they are all afraid of the big bad rancher. Gunplay ensues, bad guys get killed, good guys get hurt, and the populace, seeing the errors of their ways joins in with abandon. Good guys win.

Again I filter this through current events. The US (the good guys) is engaged in a big fight with Islamonazi terror (the bad guys). We have gone around the town asking for help but the townsfolk are too timid or set in their ways to join in (Spain, France, Germany) and are sitting this one out. We got a few sidekicks (England, Poland, Australia) and that may be enough, but the bad guys really don't see the difference (all swimmers look like lunch to a shark, whether the swimmer agrees with the sheriff's stance or not) and continue to cause misery and death to everyone.

How will it all end? With our here walking off into the sunset? Or with a giant crater where New York or Paris used to be? Let's hope the townsfolk wake up soon and pick sides.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 15:54

He Won't Say It But I Will!

Omar has a great post about that over fed, rat-faced little Muqta guy in Iraq who is causing so many problems.

After he called his supporters to "terrorize the enemy" and after saying that he'll sacrifice himself to "free Iraq from the occupation" he changes his attitude and declares conditions for a compromise , and now he's dropping these conditions when he saw that he will end either in jail or in a box but he still can't find the courage to admit that he made the wrong move, and I don't think there's a chance for him to get out with what he did.
We have a saying here that describes well such nutcases, it says "when someone sh**s in his pants, every move he makes will make his mess worse".
And by the way, he's only 23, not 30.

Bwahahaha!

Classic! "When someone shits in his pants, every move he makes will make his mess worse."
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 12:14

In My Best Nelson Imitation "Ha ha!"

I know it is wrong of my to make fun of the feeble minded. I know it is mean of me to make light of the misfortunes of others. And I know that someone somewhere may have even liked this guy (I know, hard to beleive, huh?), but I have to go into "Full Nelson" mode and give this mouth breather a big HA HA!

ROSE HILL, Va. -- The minister of a church in far southwest Virginia has died after being bitten by a snake during church services.

Authorities say the Reverend Dwayne Long of Rose Hill was bitten by a rattlesnake Sunday afternoon and refused to seek medical treatment. He died early Monday at his home.

Lee County Sheriff Gary Parsons says Long was a minister at a Pentecostal church where members practice serpent-handling.

Parsons says Long was holding a rattlesnake during an Easter service when the snake bit him on the back of a finger. He says the congregation prayed for the minister, but no one -- including Long -- sought medical treatment.

The sheriff says he doubts any charges will be filed, because, in his words, "it's their belief."

Here's the money quote "where members practice serpent-handling." Looks like Dwayne-baby didn't practice quite long enough! And how about the whole praying stuff instead of seeking medical attention... Think we can get the rest of the congregation to get bit?

Looks like Mark 16:16 was right!

He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.

16:17 And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;

16:18 They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.

Nowhere in here did it say that "he that is bitten by a serpent shall live until tomorrow"!

Always remember "Nothing Fails Like Prayer!"

Moron.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 14:44

Go Miss Virginia

Like I care who wins the Miss USA pageant. But I don't have any Korean female golfer belly buttons to display so far this week.



What is it with chicks wearing high heels and bathing costumes? Do they wear them things on the beach? I hardly think so! The whole damn bathing suit competition should be on a beach to see what they really look like in their natural habitat!

Or else you can just gawk at the pretty girls.

UPDATE: Oh, gag! Her favorite movie is Devine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood! Just saying the title alone should be a disqualifying offense!

UPDATE 2: Loser! Ah, well. She can always stop by the Corsair Cave and fix the place up... if Mrs. Corsair will allow it, of course.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 14:21

Why Isn't This Man President... or Something?

Victor David Hanson tells it like it is... again.

Is anyone listening?
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 11:12

And You Think I have No Basis For Truth

Silly posits the following:

I believe in an objective moral order authored by an intelligent transcendent source beyond the manipulations of mankind: I, therefore, consider America in a fight against institutions of human evil: such as terrorism and totalitarianism.

Her argurment is flawed, however in that the author of her "objective moral order" is mankind... or, more likely some desert-heat-addled mental patient who thinks he is talking to "god" when it is, in fact just the other side of his bipolar disorder. And how her "objective moral order" is any better than muhammed's inerpretation of his god's orders or a follower of Set's decrees or that elephant headed guy in India is not clearly stated.

Because religion is authored by man (and usually only by man, women need not apply) everyone assumes as Silly does and, when taken to the logical extreme this leads to lots of people standing on the street corner claiming that "my god is better than your god". The whole thing is stupid and infantile.

I, and many like me also consider America in a fight against human evil because they cross what should be the one true and clear line of morality: "Don't Fuck With Me". You can do what you want as long as your shit doesn't mess up my shit. Imagine we are all in a sandbox building sand castles. I can make mine over here and you can make yours over there or we can work together to make an even bigger and better one in the middle. As soon as you start smashing my castles to make yours bigger and better then we will have problems.

And that is what it comes down to (as seen in Mathew 7:12) "Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them". If the bible and the koran and all the other wastes of precious tree resources had nothing more than that in them the world would be a whole lot better place.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 08:07

Konglish Joke

Here is my one Korean joke (if you don't count "what is the highest mountain (산) in Korea? 낙 하 산! (parachute)) (It might not show right. It almost works on a Mac with Safari. IE on the Mac is a bit more problematic.)

Gang of kids walks into a car dealer in Seoul (서�?�).
The car salesman points to the door and says "ka" (가)!
The leader of the kids looks at the dealer, points to himself and says "na" (나)?
The dealer gestures to all of them and says "da" (�?)!
So the kids walk out singing ra ra "ra" (�?�)!
The dealer changes his mind and calls out "ya 'ma" ('마)!
He gestures towards the merchandise and says "ba" (바)!
He sidles up the to friends, gets all oily and says "sa" (사)!
The leader rubs his chin, looks at the goods and says "ahhh" (아)!
Then, while thinking, he says "jaaa" (�z?)...
He points at one of the vehicles and asks "cha" (차)?
The dealer, getting all Western, smiles and says "car" (�1�)!
He then opens the driver's door and says "ta" (타)!
With a look of disgust the leader smirks and spits out "pa" (파)!
The, with cronies in tow he headed out of the dealership laughing all the way "ha ha ha" (하 하 하)!

You sort of have to be an Enlish speaker studying Korean to get it.

This isn't mine and I don't know where I got it. I learned it at least 10 years ago. I couldn't find it on google so now, hopefully it will be recorded for all eternity!

posted by corsair the rational pirate at 20:44

BWAHAHAHAHA!

This may be the stupidest trailer for the stupidest movie I have ever seen! I will be sure to see it!


posted by corsair the rational pirate at 13:23

Can Someone Explain This?

I like to think I understand Asian sensibilities and literal allusions having spent the better part of 20 years studying their lives, histories, and languages. I am, however perplexed on the meaning of this one:



A South Korean protester holds a cow's ear at an anti-Japan protest in front of the Japanese embassy in Seoul April 9, 2004. Japan's Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi has refused to abide by the verdict of a Japanese district court who ruled his visits to the controversial Yasukuni Shrine unconstiutional. Koizumi's visits to the shrine have angered some Asian countries including China and South Korea (news - web sites). A proverb written in Chinese characters on the man's headband means 'preaching to deaf ears'. REUTERS/You Sung-Ho

Is it the deaf ears part or is the fact that it is a cow ear the issue?

Anyone?
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 09:56

I Never Wanted to Be a Writer

And most will say that I acheived that objective since I am, obviously not even in the same county as a real writer. But when I read things that real writers write I do sometimes get all starry-eyed and wish that I could do something like that... Sorta like wanting to be an astronaut or a baseball player. No matter how hard I try I will never be in the same league as those like Victor David Hanson (and, of course Lileks):

So let us get a grip. Bush yet again must remind the American people that we are at war not merely in the Sunni Triangle or in the Afghan badlands, but rather globally and for the liberal values of Western civilization. There is no mythical pipeline in Afghanistan; Halliburton executives are not lounging around the pool in Baghdad chomping on cigars and quaffing cocktails; and in this age of sky-high gas prices there is no sinister cabal that has hijacked Iraq oil. Sharon is not getting daily intelligence briefings about Iraq. The war is what it always was � a terrible struggle against an evil and determined enemy, a Minotaur of sorts that harvested Americans in increments for decades before mass murdering 3,000 more on September 11.

Damn, that man can trot out the truth!
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 08:44

Ewww! That's Gross!

So imagine you are a little kid getting a present from another little kid during some silly holiday party. Luckily you can't read yet or else you would have to deal with the nightmares associated with the cards that came with the "gifts".

The pencils in question read "Jesus loves little children" and the candy canes came with cards explaining that their "J" shape was in honor of Jesus Christ and that the red stripes represented his blood.

"His blood?!" Who the hell wants to eat that!?? Nice way to traumatize the little tykes! And who do you think put together that little slice of terror?! The little brat who handed out the bloody sweets? Somehow I doubt it. The other parents can send their kid's therapy bills to the bitch who thinks she has all the answers and that somehow pre-kindergarteners are just lining up to hear her message.

"I'm disappointed, but I had known it was a long shot," Dana Walz, the boy's mother, told The Press of Atlantic City. She said the family "would do the same thing all over again" if given the opportunity.

This is why we have laws that keep your bloody religion out of my school.

Vampire bitch.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 11:32

Stupid Bitch Avoids the Needle

Like I said, saying that you talk to god makes you a good person. Saying that you talk to god and carry out his wishes gets your thrown in the loony bin:

A jury acquitted a Texas mother of killing two of her sons and seriously injuring the third after determining she was insane at the time.

As the verdicts were read, Deanna Laney's face quivered, but the 39-year-old shed no tears.

Laney would have received an automatic life sentence had she been convicted of capital murder.

Instead, she will immediately be taken for evaluation to a maximum security state psychiatric hospital, where she could stay as long as 40 years.

Guess they didn't want to waste the drugs on this clueless wanker.

More later, Princess Corsair wants to read books.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 20:15

"I'm all alone rolling a big doughnut when this snake wearing a vest..."



Netflix consuming continues with this weekend's installments. I watched The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence (which was reminiscent of High Noon which I watched a couple of weeks ago) and (so far, the weekend isn't over yet) Pee Wee's Big Adventure. Still a classic after all these years. I laughed the first time I saw it when it first came out and I laughed again this time. I know all the problems and issues that Paul Ruebens has had over the years but as Pee Wee his is above repute. He even makes passing reference to his future problems in the movie when he goes to visit Dottie at the bike store where he says something to the effect of:

You don't want me, Dottie. I have done things you wouldn't understand. I am a loner.

Yeah, hard to understand that whole movie theater thing.

But this movie was replete with cool lines and scenes (being really just a vehicle to stitch together a bunch of set comedy scenes). "Large Marge sent me", singing "Deep in the Hearth of Texas" over the phone to prove where he is, his "last request" in the biker bar, the basement of The Alamo (looked for it myself once, when I visited there) and his trip through bad Warner Brothers' movies as they are being made on the soundstages.

This is also one of the rare movies that you can watch with your kids and not cringe every two minutes due to the gratuitous sex and violence I normally look for in a good movie.

I also had the serious hots for Dottie for the longest time.

So Corsair gives Pee Wee's Big Adventure Two Hooks Up and reccomends it for one and all!
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 19:45