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Just an Infantile Obsession Peek!

Must be a golf thing going on somewhere. We have another sighting:



Woo Hoo!
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 08:39

What the Hell is Wrong with People?

People have children. That is a regrettable fact of life that we have to live with. Corsair the Rational Pirate has quite a clan of progeny so I should know a thing about offspring-raising. Go to Brian for Apple advice, Mr. Lion for driving cars really quickly, or RA for reasons not to go to church on Sunday. But come here for solid knowledge on the more important of all those things: bringing up baby.

The people who are bringing up these babies need to spend more time here and less time at Best Buy putting more electronic gewgaws on their credit cards:

According to the 1,065 parents surveyed for the national study "Zero to Six: Electronic Media in the Lives of Infants, Toddlers and Preschoolers," a quarter of children under 2 have televisions in their bedrooms. Two-thirds of kids under 2 use some kind of screen media (computer, DVD, television) on a typical day, for an average of about two hours a day. And for children under the age of 6, the average of two hours a day spent with screen media is more than three times the amount of time they spend reading or being read to. The foundation noted that the study is the first of its kind and that more research is needed.

TVs in their stinking bedrooms? What are these parents thinking? No child needs TV in their bedroom except as a way for the parents to get rid of their kids! Want some quite time to scratch yer belly or drink some beer? Send junior to his room to watch the latest sleaze fest put out by the nations networks. How, exactly do you punish a kid with getting sent to his room if it is outfitted like the local electronics store? They would probably like it better there than with their dimwit parents.

The study's findings on media consumption for children under 2 drew the most alarm for researchers, as the American Academy of Pediatrics has recommended that infants and toddlers not watch any television. In those crucial first two years of life their brains establish neural tracks that need physical interaction to develop properly, according to Michael Rich, a Harvard researcher and member of the academy.

"They should be spending time with siblings, with parents, with mud," Rich said yesterday. "They should not be spending time with the television."

Exactly! How are these kids going to learn to interact with one another if all they see is 2 dimensional images of actors all their lives? Get outside and run around, damnit!

This is not to say that children shouldn't watch appropriate TV in appropriate amounts. The Pirate Cove is outfitted with the latest audio, video, and computer gear yet the Clan children are not stupefied zombies shuffling from one electronic gadget to the other all day long. We also have an impressive amount of dead-pulped-tree-pressed-together book things! And we read them every day. Every single day. Princess Corsair I and I are currently working our way through the second Wizard of Oz book. Princess Corsair II sees this sort of thing and brings over any silly printed thing she can find so she can sit with daddy and read too. This heartens me because it means that we have already created the world's next reader.

Kids do not have to watch TV (despite what they say). Turn it off and go to the library. Go outside. Draw a picture. Childern are infinitely creative if they are given the time and impetus to be so.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 07:36

Went to the KFC/Taco Bell in DC Today

When I approached this monument to American laziness and want of a greasy meal, I first noticed a big sign from some sort of Big Brother Is Watching you security kind of place hanging next to the door. That should have raised my suspicions right there. I went in anyway and what to my wondering eyes did I spy but a freaking bank vault! I have seen less security in secret government facilities! They had inch thick bulletproof glass between the employees and their customers, little slots to slide the money into and receive the change from, and a twirling contraption looking something like revolving door where they placed the delicious objects of my visit to fast-food land which then spun around presenting it to me in the most... unpalatable way imaginable.

Yum. Hard to eat looking over your shoulder at those two unsavory gentlemen in the corner while trying not to look over your shoulder. Don't want to "diss" them in any way. Is not looking at them as bad as looking at them?

Interesting place to visit. Don't think I will be returning after the sun goes down, however.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 15:36

How About a Quick "Fuck You", Pal?!

Instapundit posted a picture similar to the one I put up earlier showing the hottie from Afghanistan. As opposed to universal celebration of the female form, freedom for women in Afghanistan to do what they want how they want, he got the stuff like the following:

Are you sure it is not TALIBAN 0, AMERICA 100? This picture, perhaps more than anything else, will confirm the corruptive influence of American culture to the Islamic world.

Well, isn't that the point, idiot? Islamic culture is diseased and needs a quick kick in the nads. If this is part of what it takes (along with getting militarily spanked by any cub scout troop sporting BB guns), I say "more hot babes in hot pants".

I can understand at least a passing appreciation of what this picture might represent -- a rejection of the gnostic fundamentalist view (both Christian and Muslim) of the human body. When I see the black shrouded women of the Middle East who look like "Cousin It" of the Adaams [sic] family, I feel pity for them and a resolute conviction that the Taliban and the "culture" that they represent must be opposed. But I must also ask, Mr. Reynolds, is this (the woman is [sic] the red bikini) all that the United States of America has to offer the world? Is this picture what America is all about?

Yes, pinhead! When it comes down to it this is what America has to offer the world. Every place has business, politics, art, music, love, hate, everything! There is, however, only one America where the whole ethos is infused with freedom. We do not have castes, or classes, or heredity, or anything else that will keep you back. You have the ability to be whatever you want. You want to strut down the runway wearing next to nothing. No one can stop you, unlike most of the rest of the world including until recently the place where this young beauty came from.

I have greatly enjoyed your blog and read it daily, but at times such entries are rather telling. I am neither a fundamentalist Christian or Muslim, but sometimes your lack of any semblance of discernment about anything other than pragmatic economics or foreign policy is appalling. Mr. Reynolds, is there anything other than a particular brand of conservative politics that informs your world view?

We can all see where this is heading, I hope. "How come you don't base your life on some dusty old fairy tale book written thousands of years ago?" This is America, asshole. He doesn't have to and, more to the point, he does not have to justify himself to you or anyone else and no one can do anything about it!

What is it that informs your understanding of what it good, true, and beautiful? Are goodness, truth, and beauty even a part of your world view? From whence comes your sense of ethics or morality? Have you ever asked yourself these questions?

maybe from the same place that a lot of rational people get their ethics and morality: personal observation, experience, and studying all the stupid shit that other people do and avoiding it.

Please do not consider this E-mail a condemnation or pompous, puritanical rant. I thoroughly enjoyed viewing that woman, but this is the problem: Should we, as married men who have vowed to love our wives, indulge ourselves in this way?

WTF are you talking about? You got some repressed problems there, Romeo? You having a hard time keeping your johnson in your pants? Maybe that little creeping on the wife with that bucktoothed cosmetology student you met at the monster truck rally getting you down? Pull your head out, moron! You love your wife any less after having viewed Pretty Miss Afghani? You think maybe she should be a little less forward? You think that maybe Satan is using her to tempt you? You getting all hot and sweaty just thinking about it? I know, how about she covers up a little, you know so you won't feel so guilty. Maybe something in black. And since she is going to cover a little, she might as well cover everything since you don't think you could control yourself when you fall under the devil's influence?

You just hate it when people don't do what you say, do you? Well, numb nuts, get used to it. Freedom will always overcome the religiously based stupidity that you and your kind espouse. Might take awhile but that is OK, I got pics of Miss Afghanistan to drool over while I wait!
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 23:22

She's a Goldmine!



Se Ri Park working that belly button!
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 11:24

Mmmmmm. Afghani Enabled Infantile Obsesson


I always wondered why them Afghani bastards had to hide their wimmen folk under them canvas sacks. Now we know! (Although it looks like she could use a sandwich)
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 08:33

Infantile Obsession Alert!



Bae Goap (how the hell do you romanize belly button in Korean?)
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 16:25

Oh, Yeah. I Saw School of Rock

Mrs. Corsair and I managed to sneak out of the house and leave the rest of the Corsair clan running with scissors, lighting the cat on fire, and drinking out of the toilet. We went out, spent an obscene amount of money for a great steak and a so-so lobster (the lobster seemingly surrendering to the wife should have been a signal) and a wonderful movie.

I have always liked Jack Black even if has been in a couple of duds. This movie was definitely not a dud. This movie was written, directed, scored, developed, and mailed with one and only one actor in mind: Jack Black. He did not steal the show since the show was his to begin with. As with Johnny Depp and his turn as a pirate this summer, Black nails this movie.

He plays the loser guitar player who gets kicked out of a band that wants to try and be legit. Black is more in it for the atmosphere. Being a rock god is cool and he attempts to fulfill all the requirements. So he is out of a job and needs some dough to pay his roommate the rent money. The roommate is a nebbish (does anyone use that word anymore) who is also a substitute teacher. Black answers the phone one day to find out that the local snooty private school needs a sub for a couple of weeks. The lightbulb flickers into luminescence above his head and he assumes his roommates identity and shows up at school the next day. Hilarity ensues.

The classroom is full of a great cast of student actors that you do not immediately want to kill. They are not too cool, old, or out of place to be believable. They are a mixed group of wonderful actors that play their parts wonderfully, especially the kiss-ass, "factotum", band-manager-to-be.

Black hears them playing classical music and hits on the idea to make them into his next band to win the big Battle of the Bands competition. I have read that these kids all played their own instruments at the shiny age of ten and I am impressed. Various wackiness erupts and before you know it the kids are in the competition wearing cool outfits and making the people love them.

I laughed, I cried (because I was laughing so hard), I came away completely happy that I hadn't wasted my $8. Go and see it. Now!

And do not, I repeat DO NOT miss the little scene between the school principal and the goofy rock band member. Do not have coke in your mouth or you will be nasally launching it at high speeds into the back of the head of the person in front of you. It was that funny.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 21:40

More Military Girls



I do this as a public service... No really.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 21:16

Panther on Its Way!

Got me an email from my good friends at apple.com informing me that a panther is stalking my house and should soon be there!

Woo Hoo!
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 08:04

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH




posted by corsair the rational pirate at 15:56

Seuss Stamps!

A small tribute to Dr. Seuss with many happy rememberances:

�Seuss Stamps, Seuss Stamps� The little boys shout!
�Seuss Stamps Seuss Stamps are about to come out!�
With pictures of Seuss in shiny four color ink
Choosing his stamp will be easy, I think
You can stick them on cards, a package or letter
Paper your bathroom! Be quite the trend-setter
The snoozles and tweadles and three-headed flawdels
Will rush out to buy them, so hurry don�t dawdle!
Only thirty and seven shiny pennies will buy
A wonderful picture of one hell of a guy

Not as well done as the Doctor, but he was unique.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 12:22

SALUTE!

More ROKettes!



Don't you just love a girl in uniform?! You know, like ROKettes or Hooters Girls?
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 10:28

I Wonder if Korean Hooters Will be Smaller?

You know, given the lack of space for large restaurants and all... (What? What did you think I meant?) Turns out that Hooters is making a run at Korea:

Hooters, an U.S. restaurant chain renowned for its waitresses' sex appeal, will make its first inroads into Korea in April next year.

They also have nice ribs... The girls, I mean. The restaurant has tasty chicken wings.

The "Hooters Girls" will be wearing uniforms consisting of shorts, a tank top, and a short-sleeve or long-sleeve T-shirt, and about one-third of them will be foreigners, according to CFC Korea.

Menu items will include steak and chicken among others, while alcoholic beverages such as wine and beer will be also served.

The company plans to open additional stores in the southern Seoul area next September and plans to advance into North Korea under its long-term business scheme.

Into North Korea? What, so that the Great Leader can have some more honies to goggle at?

At least the fair readers of the Korea Herald get to learn what a "hooter" is:

"Hooters" is a slang term for a portion of the female anatomy, although the restaurant has an owl in its logo and uses the owl theme sufficiently to allow debate to occur over the meaning's intent.

Which female body portion is the author talking about? Mulva perhaps?

Well, this news just gives me one more reeason to go to North Korea. They do let in anti-moronic pirates, don't they?
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 09:49

Caught With Their Pants Down

So instead of laying off the weed or coke or whatever they were being tested for, these bozos decided to strap one on and try and pull the wool over The Man's eyes:

LUBBOCK, Texas -- Some West Texas men on probation are in trouble again, this time for using the Whizzinator to help them pass court-ordered urinalysis tests.

In the past six months, five men on probation were caught using a realistic-looking prosthetic that dispenses synthetic, drug-free urine, Lubbock County sheriff's officials said. One was caught by an alert officer who heard something unusual in the restroom.

"A body part when it's up against a plastic cup isn't going to go 'clink,'" said Tom Madigan, interim assistant director of the Lubbock County adult probation office.

Oddly enough, if you go to the Whizzinator's website you see that they claim it to be:

UNDETECTABLE! FOOLPROOF! RE-USABLE!

The WHIZZINATOR� is an easy to conceal, easy to use urinating device with a very realistic prosthetic penis. It has been extensively tested and proven to work under real-life conditions!

I guess it is undetectable unless it goes "clink".

You know the especially lazy amongst us could marry that thing up with the auto-whacker and never have to leave their house.

UPDATE: Now I have to get to the testamonials. OMG, what a load of drugged out incompetents! And for those of you out there pushing religion as a way to straighten out our lives, take a gander at this:

my husband could not pass a drug test to get a decent paying job because we smoke a little to relax. Now he has a job and together we make enough to have a comfortable life. To all of you who think people should stop doing everything they do. Everytime you take one of those doctor prescribed pain pills or nerve pills when you know in your mind it's just to feel a little better or drink your beer or wine to relax it is the same only marijuana grows naturally and the bible even gives us all the plants of the earth so who are you and who is the government to say it is bad when even God doesn't and if it was legal to grow more people would be eating it instead of smoking it which would take away most if not all negative aspects. It is not your buisiness which plants I choose to grow or ingest or burn and the quality of our lives should not suffer because the beliefs of some differ from ours. Some of the nicest most intelligent people you know may smoke. Anyway thanks for th!
is product Thanks For helping us keep one more freedom

Living a Better Life in Communist,

Really, I can't add anything to this.

And here is one upstanding citizen:

God Bless all of ya'll.


I was about to have to dry out as nothing else worked(nor I as a result).


Now I got a better job and pay than ever before.

All my thanks for enabling me to keep my lifestyle as well as my family.

Ya'll were the answer to a prayer.

Texas Bud, TX

Well, lucky for us you didn't have to dry out. What roads do you drive on, again? Oh, and it is "Y'all", not "Ya'll" (unless you are a drugged up nincompoop!).

I really can't make this stuff up:

I am a female that used the devise with prosthesis that my boyfriend bought to pas his drug screen. We are both pot smokers he wanted to keep his job and I needed a new Part Time job. He used the whizzinator and passed. I decided to use the devise with penis even though I wasn't sure it would work for me being a female. Well, I took the drug screen, hoping the lady administering the test didn't go in the bathroom with me. She didn't. Needless to say, I passed. Now I have referred 3 friends to this website to purchase their very own. I must give PUCK TECH. $15,000 thank you's for a job well done.

lapdance_diva, MD

Thank you, lapdance_diva for sharing that enlightening story. I am sure many of my readers will take comfort from your actions.

I can't do anymore. You, on the other hand can go and read what the lowest common denominator is doing in its spare time.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 15:55

I Got Nothing

I have looked around the net and there seems to be a decided lack of things to get upset about. I am sure something will pop up. I hope.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 12:41

Pumpkin Patch Today

Taking the Corsair Clan to the Cox Farm Pumpkin Patch today. Weather appears to be great so we may even run out and do some apple picking at the orchard. I may post pics of the momentous events later in the day if the mood hits just right.

Not much updateage lately... I guess I am having a small effect on the world and it is getting less moronic...

Nah, couldn't happen.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 09:19

ROK-ettes!



WooHoo!
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 09:10

I Don't Think You are in the Right Place



"Nursing students at Cuyahoga Community College's Metro Campus in Cleveland try to find Steve the medical mannequin's heartbeat."

I think a few more hours in the classroom for a couple of these aspiring nursing students are in order. Steve appears to be as surprised as anyone over the lack of heart-finding ability.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 09:07

What I Did on My Summer Vacation

Brian has a bunch o'pics of his summer backyard project. I thought I would play along and show y'all what I was busy doing this summer

On the left we see the finished product of my summer work. I forgot to take before pictures so you will just have to imagine the red brick walkway is a muddy, swampy area that is the lowest part of the backyard so is always wet. The 4x4-built up area on the right was not there before I started. I put that in, filled it in with dirt and then built the train that you see sitting prettily in the middle. Oh, and those are sesame plants there on in the back on the left. Mrs. Corsair uses the leaves in various and sundry recipes that taste like... leaves to me.

Doing all of this was extremely exhausting but it kept me in the horrible shape that I have come to enjoy lo these many years. Now that I have returned to the gym for some morning workout time, I should soon be regaling you with tales of my upcoming Mr. Universe competition.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 21:06

Apt Analogy

Mrs. Corsair, unfortuantely, has resumed her church-going. Corsair, therefore must suffer through a morning of church attendance. The strategy is to avoid as much as possible so I take Baby Corsair down to the nursery. As I sat there watching the snotty-nosed ones cry and wander around aimlessly looking for their mommies and daddies, the thought popped into my head that what I was seeing in the nursery and what was going on upstairs was eerily similar. Those upstairs were imploring their big sky daddy for favors and direction and help with dealing with life. Down there in the nursery they wanted daddy to take care of them, wipe their noses, and provide food and drink.

The poopy diapers gave away which one was the nursery... but not by much.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 13:58

Oh Holy Jeebus What a Bunch Of Pansies!

What the hell happened to the people in this country (I mean the USA for those of my overseas readers... shaaa)? This country used to produce the sort of person who walked form St. Louis to California fighting rattle snakes and Injuns the whole way. Or those who took the beaches at Normandy. Others who crossed the frigging Atlantic Ocean in little more than leaky lifeboats! I am ashamed to be considered in the same group as the following:

OAKLAND -- Not everyone was thrilled with the display of military might at the opening of Wednesday night's Oakland Athletics game.
In fact, many say the low-flying Navy jets that swept through Oakland and over Network Associates Coliseum after the singing of the National Anthem were terrifying.

"The dog started freaking out, everything started shaking, and the kids started crying immediately," said Dimond district resident Mitsu Fisher, who called police.

He was not the only one to do so. Oakland police Sgt. Rebecca Campbell said she guessed about 200 people called shortly after the jets flew across the city about 7 p.m. Phone lines were flooded.

People heard a loud noise and then called the police? Look out the window, idiots!

Fisher assumed there was a terrorist problem in the Bay Area. It is not such a far-fetched idea, he said, since terrorism warnings have been common since the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks.

"It seems super insensitive," he said of the jets. "There's a war in Iraq. We don't know what's going on." Everyone on his block poured from their homes to see what the commotion was all about, he said.

Tricia Christopher of Oakland said her son and his tutor were shaking after the airplanes passed the house.

"I had to calm them down," she said.

First off, bonehead, the war in Iraq is over. Try reading a paper once in awhile. Second, not only are these people idiots, they are breeding and creating more idiots! Most kids would be jumping up and down in excitement to see cool planes pass overhead.

Perhaps worse than jets flying over her home was the idea they were flying in support of a baseball game, she said.

"I felt a real sadness. Here we have this wonderful, happy baseball game being ruined by symbols of death," she said.

A 70-year-old Berkeley woman, who did not want her name printed, said she fell on the floor after the jets flew by.

"This is not OK to scare people," she said. "Beyond scare, terrorize."

And here I have this wonderful newpaper article ruined by symbols of stupidity!

I return to my refrain from yesteryear: I weep for this country if all we can produce is a bunch of weeping willow, nancy pants, ballet queens like this who cry every time a plane passes over their house.

Shit, what a bunch of wimps.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 08:03

Clap Clap Clap

Brian writes his Best Post Ever (cue the trumpets)
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 08:01

It's Like Giant Fly Paper



Update:

OUCH!

Eight Indonesian Kopassus special forces soldiers plunged more than 180 metres to their deaths when a crew flying their helicopter cut the rope on which the soldiers were suspended.

That has got to suck!
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 08:54

Damn! Some Guys Are Lazy

Look, if you need this you really are a lazy son of a bitch.

Some things just don't need to be automated.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 08:39

What?!? We are Winning?

I got to the following article after reading a lengthy (does he write any other kind?) post over at USS Clueless:

The characterization of the post-war situation in Iraq as a "failure" - or, even a "miserable" one - has become so frequently and so vociferously applied that an observer could be forgiven for believing it is accurate. It is not.

I have just returned from a trip facilitated by the U.S. military to Baghdad, Mosul and Tikrit, among other places in Iraq. The visit featured in-depth briefings by senior American and Coalition civilian and military leaders, informal conversations with them and their subordinates and a chance to interact with a number of Iraqi interim national, regional and local officials.

Like most others who have had a first-hand chance to take stock of the situation (to date, executive branch officials and a number of legislators), I have concluded that - far from a failure - the U.S.-led effort to consolidate a Free Iraq is on a decided, if still tentative, trajectory for success.

You wouldn't know that from the pundits, candidates, and quagmiriest that exist in the world today.

More proof is in this column at the WaPo this morning:

My first trip to a combat zone occurred in 1969. I was a 21-year-old staff sergeant, naive as hell, a freshly trained Army Ranger who had left Princeton University to volunteer for ground combat in Vietnam. I vividly recall feeling way out of step with my Ivy League colleagues.

Well, that same out-of-step feeling is back. But this time it's about Iraq and involves some of my professional colleagues, political leaders and activists who are carelessly using words and phrases such as "quagmire," "our failure in Iraq," "this is just another Vietnam," or "the Bush administration has no plan."

I went to Iraq a couple of weeks ago to resolve for myself the recent contrast between gloomy news coverage and optimistic Pentagon reports of our progress. My trip left no doubt that the Pentagon's version is far closer to reality. Our news coverage disproportionately dwells on the deaths, mistakes and setbacks suffered by coalition forces. Some will attribute this to a grand left-wing conspiracy, but a more plausible explanation is simply the tendency of our news media to focus on bad news. It sells. Few Americans think local news coverage fairly captures the essence of daily life and progress in their hometowns. Coverage from Iraq is no different.

So I guess the lesson to take out of this is to take heart. The message is starting to get out. As more and more people make the same discoveries about the "quagmire" in Iraq, things can only get better

/resists breaking out into "The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow" song from Annie
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 07:59