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I Know That Guy!


I went to high school with the dimwit on the right. Read what they are saying in the Bay Area:

There's nothing like a little court-ordered venality to bring out the nobility in even the most strident foes, which is how we end up with just a few more minutes of fame for Patrick Hayashi and Alex Popov.

We will now wait a few moments for the rain of fresh fruit to subside before continuing.

Thank you, everyone, and don't forget to tip the green grocer.

Hayashi and Popov, the two gentlemen who have spent the past 17 1/2 months dancing at the periphery of notoriety while fighting over the proceeds from Barry Bonds' 73rd home run ball, returned to the center ring Tuesday to announce that, in keeping with a judge's order to either (A) sell the ball and split the profits or (B) be manacled and frog-walked to a prison farm in New Mexico, they thought hard and long and chose (A).

Better than that, though, they announced that the auction for their mutual ticket to ride will be televised, live and as it happens, on the 3 p.m. ESPN "SportsCenter" June 25.

In short, reality TV finally reaches the last circle of Hell, and you . . . are . . . there.

Obviously Popov is the drone on the right. He used to have a website some friends put together to explain his case... Seems to have been shutdown though. I hope he gets enough money from this stupid ball to cover his legal expenses.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 15:49

Korean Ghosts are Sloppy Eaters



Ghosts in Korea and ghosts in America are two entirely different species. Ghosts in America, as we all now either look like Casper The Friendly Ghost (funny aside: I was watching a Simpsons episode many years ago where someone had to run through a graveyard. In the graveyard was a tombstone for "Casper the Friendly Kid".. Nearly busted a gut seeing that one) or Patrick Swayze in Ghost . Occasionally they look like something from the end of the Indiana Jones movie with the scary faces and the wailing and the flying around. But we in the West usually treat them as either bed sheets or they look just like the people who died. Or like Poltergeists who can't really be seen but who move things around the room to scare us away from living over Indian graveyards (don't have to tell me twice!).

Korea, on the other hand sees ghosts differently. I couldn't find any pictures of Korean ghosts on the internet (maybe because they can't be photographed?) but they tend to look more like the Bush photo above: they have beautiful white faces, long black hair and blood dripping out of each side of their mouths. They mostly tend to be female as well..And they float around with their arms up in the air. What the blood on their lips represent, I don't know. They do not seem to be blood drinkers in the same sense as vampires. They just tend to have blood on their faces. Koreans, for some reason are scared to death of these apparitions. There used to be a show where a celebrity would go on a walk through a "haunted house" sort of thing (outside as well as inside) with a quick talking emcee guy who would guide them from shock to shock and invariably there would be a Korean ghost lady pop out of some hole somewhere to scare the piss out of someone. And this was when they knew it was coming! They signed up for the show and agreed to be scared. Scared is the last thing I would be at that point but Koreans are different. Especially when it comes to scary flying ladies. They go all gaga! So now you know why the Bush photo has a white face a blood on his lips. It is supposed to scare the hell out of you!

The lady in the story below, however scares the bejeebus out of me.

posted by corsair the rational pirate at 09:21

Ah! AHHHHHHH!!!
Be very afraid!

Courtesy of Mean Mr. Mustard
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 09:05

So It Is Pool Season...

Pool Season has begun here in the Corsair Cave (despite the cold and unending rain) and I took Corsair Jr. and Princess Corsair I to the pool last night to get their first swims in. Pool temp was 65 degrees. Yikes! Talk about "shrinkage"! But not only that. I have another complaint. As a red-blooded American lecher I am not one to look askance at eyeballing the young ladies whilst lounging 'round the pool. Lifeguards are always a special treat (Corsair loves a girl in uniform...)... However. What ever happened to healthy young ladies spending their summers rescuing kids from the dangers of the 4-foot pool? And when I mean healthy I do not mean "has enough strength in her body to eat another slice of pizza and suck down yet one more Big Gulp". Do girls not try to starve themselves any more to try and fit society's image of the Supermodel as "Normal Girl"? What are these girls eating and why does there have to be so much of it?

Come on, who wants to see fat lifeguards? Cut out some of the food! You're going to ruin my summer!
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 08:48

Big Yawn

Saw The Matrix ReSlow-ded the other night. Booooring. Couple of fight scenes. Many many many talking scenes that even I, a paragon of intellect and philosophical understanding couldn't wade through. Yadda yadda yadda. If this is all a computer program, couldn't we just throw one of the many virii I get everyday in my email into it and force it all to come crashing down?

Lileks seems to have the same take as I did. Smart guy, that James!
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 08:26

Idiotic Religious Morons Alert

Some people still live in the dark ages. They see the wonders of learning and technology and advances in science and medicine and, apparently, do not believe their eyes. This is not really all that hard to believe since what they do believe requires them to shut down the cognitive centers in their brains and live entirely on "faith". Faith in an invisible super-being who, whilst able to create whole universes at the drop of a hat, also likes to listen in on people's hopes and dreams as they kneel down next to their beds every evening asking for lottery numbers and better jobs. The fact that none of the prayers ever amounts to anything that can not be explained by fate or luck does nothing to these people's stupidity devotion.

And where there is this wonderful being up in the sky who loves you whole bunches there is also a blue meanie who lives in a bad place that is trying to ruin your life. But do not despair! We can get rid of the blue meanie if only we pray and make the you suffer enough. You might die but at least there will be no more blue meanie. Much like this story:

London � Walter Zepeda was possessed by the devil.

His parents, devoutly religious members of a Pentecostal church that believes in such manifestations, knew that much to be true.

They had seen their shy 19-year-old son engage in behaviours that could only signal the presence of Satan.

So Diego Zepeda-Cordera called his friend Alex Osegueda, a fellow member of the Missionary Church of Christ and a man of equal devotion, to help him rid his son of the evil. They had no idea the seven days of forced confinement it took to drive away the devil would also, literally, drain the life out of Walter.

He lost nine litres of fluid as he lay strapped with men's ties to metal chairs in the basement apartment he shared with his family in this western Ontario city. Ultimately he died of dehydration.

So you strap a kid to a chair, watch him not eat or drink for a week and expect.. what? Happiness and the spirit of the sky being to suffuse him and sustain him? What a bunch of wankers! Kid was going through some tough times mentally and emotionally and rather than resort to techniques developed within the last 100 years (therapy, drugs, couseling) they decide to pray the devil out of him. Sounds sort of like the witch trials of several centuries ago. How did it go again?

BEDEVERE: Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.

[ARTHUR and PATSY ride up at this point and watch what follows with interest]

ALL VILLAGERS: Are there? There are? What are they? Tell us! Do they hurt?

BEDEVERE: Tell me ... What do you do with witches?

ALL VILLAGERS: Burn them! Burn them! Burn them up!

BEDEVERE: And what do you burn apart from witches?

FIRST VILLAGER: More witches!

SECOND VILLAGER: Sh!

THIRD VILLAGER: Wood!

BEDEVERE: So why do witches burn?

FOURTH VILLAGER: [pianissimo] ... Because they're made of wood...?

BEDEVERE: Good.

[PEASANTS stir uneasily then come round to this conclusion.]

ALL VILLAGERS: Oh! Oh yeah!

BEDEVERE: So. How do we tell whether she is made of wood?

FIRST VILLAGER: Build a bridge out of her!

BEDEVERE: Ah ... but can you not also make bridges out of stone?

ALL VILLAGERS: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Uhh...

BEDEVERE: Uh, does wood sink in water?

ALL VILLAGERS: No! No! No! It floats! It floats! Throw her into the pond! The pond!

BEDEVERE: What also floats in water?

ALL VILLAGERS: ... Bread! ...Apples! ... Uh, very small rocks! Cider! Gra- Gravy! Cherries! Mud! Churches! Churches! Lead! Lead!

ARTHUR: A duck!

[They all turn and look at ARTHUR. BEDEVERE looks up very impressed.]

BEDEVERE: Exactly. So... logically ...

FIRST VILLAGER: [beginning to pick up the thread] If... she ... weighs.. the same.. as a duck ... she's made of wood.

BEDEVERE: And therefore?

ALL VILLAGERS: A witch! A witch! A witch!

If this poor guy is fighting the fact that he is tied down in the basement wearing a diaper, he must be possessed! If he loses all strength, collapses and dies the devil must have fled! We win!

The judge was not that helpful in this case either:

Despite the deception, it is obvious the trio "genuinely believed that Walter was possessed," Judge Livingstone said. "They only wanted to help him, wanted to save his soul, but the facts of the matter show that despite their prayer and the zealousness of their religious convictions, what they did � and what they did not do � caused Walter's death."

What she should have done was call a spade an idiot and lambasted these maroons for being stupid assholes without a whit of intelligence in their bodies. Because of this the poor kid had to die.

I'd have given them life (they got 4 years).
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 10:50

Hoo Hoo!



Got me a new Palm Tungsten T yesterday. This new job requires a lot of meetings and the Corsair Clan are using up more and more of my free time so I tend to get confused as to where I am and where I need to be. Now I will know exactly where I was supposed to be and how late I will be when I finally get there.

Having a job that pays in dollars is a nice thing to have.










posted by corsair the rational pirate at 11:46

Korean Cheesecake!

Top this you Islamonazi bastards!


posted by corsair the rational pirate at 08:50

ABB, Get Ready to Have Your Hats Handed to You

Apparently there is this company in Switzerland called ABB (they are so stupid they couldn't remember the third letter in the alphabet, so they repeated the second one twice!) who don't know how to do a credit check. Seems they have entered into a business relationship with the biggest shady business dealing country in the world... No, not France (though they did surrender to ABB when they heard the news) but with North Korea:

North Korea (news - web sites) signed a memorandum of understanding with Swiss-based engineering giant Asea Brown Boveri Ltd. on Monday to modernize the communist state's dilapidated electric power network.

The deal on building a "super-tension power grid" was signed between ABB and the Power Industry General Bureau under North Korea's Ministry of Power and Coal Industries, the official North Korean news agency KCNA said.

Aside from the fact that North Korea and the US are already building a similarly named "super-tension power relationship", the fact that this tri-lettered company actually thinks they are going to be paid in something other than tree bark and second edition copies of The Collected Works of Kim Il Sung (Volumes I - CCXXXIV) astounds me!

Do they not know of the credit rating of this disasterous ship of state? Do they not know that the US, South Korea, China, and Japan are the only ones keeping this country on life support? Do they not know that any money they do receive (they likely will get some in the beginning as a sort of "good faith" thing to show the the NoKos plan on paying... It will only be later in the contract that the NoKo will claim to have left any further payments in their other pants) will come straight off the top of the illegal drug proceeds that NoKo receives from Australian heroin addicts? Do they not know that the electricity they start producing will go straight into the testicles of people who tried fleeing that hell-hole of a country to China and were unlucky enough to be caught and sent back? Have these people no shame?

Oh, right. European country. I shouldn't have asked.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 12:56

We Need More News About MARS... Not SARS

Now this would be cool:

Soon, a small aircraft laden with sensors and a high-speed datalink could be flying over the mountains of Mars - the first aircraft to fly over the terrain of another world.
Called Ares (Aerial Regional-scale Environmental Survey of Mars), it could, if all goes well, be flying over the Red Planet's southern uplands in just five years' time.

Man, why can't people concentrate and shit like this instead of who's imaginary sky-being is more powerful or trying to "rule the world" or acting like ignorant assholes... Oh that is right. It is because most people in the world are ignorant assholes.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 11:16

Eat Rotten Cabbage... Avoid the SARS!

Now that is a marketing slogan we would like to see. Korea sits in the middle of Asia (well, the Northern Middle) right up against China. While the Chinese seem to be highly susceptible to SARS, the Koreans have escaped relatively unscathed (three cases so far, I think).

Want to know why?

HONG KONG � The Korean Chamber of Commerce in Hong Kong and Samsung Electronics know an opportunity when they see one.
Because of a widespread belief among Chinese here and on the mainland that Koreans have largely escaped the ongoing epidemic of SARS because they eat lots of kimchi, the chamber and Samsung are planning a trade show of Korean food here next weekend.

So run right out, all you SARS-ophobes and git ya some stinky cabbage with lots of hot pepper in 'em.

True story: I attended the Defense language Institute in Monterey, California in the early '80s in order to learn Korean. When we baby Air Force pukes first got there we were put on "Phase". Phase One was 30 days of all uniforms all the time, 10 pm curfew, no drinking or smoking. Phase Two was 30 days of uniforms during the day and off base, 10 pm curfew, no drinking. Phase Three was normal behavior (if I am not mistaken). However, during Phase One we were allowed to attend the Korean Independence Day Picnic (August 15) at a park near Monterey. In civilian clothes no less. With permission to drink beer! This would be the first time since June 10 that most of us had the chance to get a beer. We were all very excited, as can be imagined.

This being a picnic, there was to be food. Not hot dogs and apple pie however. This was a Korean picnic so there was bound to be Korean food there. Before attending, we had been warned about a highly spiced, noxious smelling evil concoction called kimchi by upperclassmen. "How can it be worse than Army food?" we wondered. So off to the picnic we went in our civvies, snatched up a couple of beers, played some volleyball and relaxed like a real person for the first time in three months. Whilst reclining under an oak tree watching our compatriots engaged in a rousing softball game we were suddenly overcome with a foul odor. Being in the military we naturally accused one another of causing the stink when it occurred to someone that lunch was being prepared way-over-there and that maybe this was the dreaded kimchi. "Couldn't be" we thought because we were nowhere near the food prep area and it wouldn't be possible for mere food odors to travel that great distance while maintaining its pungent odor (if it was that bad way-over-here what must it be like way-over-there?). We were wrong.

Lunch was soon called for and we lined up to get our portions of rice, bulgogi, and kimchi. After daring each other to actually choke down some of the noxious veggies, it turned out to be not so bad! In fact some people went back for seconds!

After that it was decided by a friend and I that we would eat kimchi on our lunch breaks for the sole purpose of having something to belch up and waft at our cigarette smoking colleagues once they returned from their smoke breaks. Hilarity would ensue as the unsuspecting victim tried conjugating a verb with a green cloud of offensive kimchi vapor hanging over their heads. Ahh the good old days!

posted by corsair the rational pirate at 08:36

Ahhh! AHHHHHH!

I have just joined the ranks of the Certifiable Old Cranks™. I just finished reading a story about... White men speaking with forked tongues. Ewwww. Real forked tongues! I kid you not!

CHICAGO, Illinois (AP) -- Ears with two, three, even five piercings are ancient history. Studs in tongues and navels are, for many, no big deal. And who doesn't have a tattoo? These days, the attention-grabbing look is tongue-splitting: cutting the tongue to make it forked.

It is, of course accompanied by a nose-ringed loser with his toungue going every-whichaway. I refuse to link to it.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 11:36

They Sky is Falling!

Idiot over there in Oakland, California seems to think we live in Nazi Germany or Soviet Russia when people weren't allowed to speak their mind for fear of being censored and harassed.

He does this, of course in a major San Francisco newspaper read by hundreds thousands of people every day. I am sure he is now cowering in his closet waiting for the thump of jackboots and a knocking on the door after he made his heroic stand against totalitarianism.

Pathetic loser:

HAS MCCARTHYISM MADE A COMEBACK?

Editor -- Columnist Ruth Rosen is quite right to worry about another era of McCarthyism, and its kissing cousin, fascism ("Could it happen again?," May 12). Where she errs is in wondering if it could happen again.

It already is happening again: Radio stations have banned certain songs, deemed unpatriotic, from the airwaves. The Dixie Chicks have been vilified, humiliated, scapegoated and harassed for speaking out against George W. Bush's war machine and their CDs bulldozed and burned like 1930s Nazi Germany; movie billboards have been altered to censor a peace sign; Hollywood actors and actresses are hectored and harangued and their careers jeopardized for their political views; political dissent of any kind by the American people is being demonized; civil liberties are being erased and political freedoms washed away.

Everywhere we look, our democracy lies in tatters, our Constitution so faded, it is barely legible.

TOM J. WRIGHT

Oakland

Of course, all the things he whines about were all initiated by private companies and citizens. I know of no law outlawing the Dixie Chicks. If one chooses to listen to their "music" then by all means get some headphones and do so (just so I don't have to hear it). As for actresses and actors being harangued, if you want to open your big mouth and have an opinion, fine. Don't expect me or anyone else to agree with it. Let me have my opinion to disagree.

If only the web were so faded as to make Mr. Wright's views barely legible. Putz.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 10:29

Yeah, What He Said

Brian wants to buy a new Mac. So do I, it turns out. I have been salivating over the dual 1.25 machines because (I tell myself) I need a DVD burner to make adequate movies. I can probably afford the thing... providing the corsair clan reduces food consumption for a couple of months. But now I keep hearing 970 rumors and, well, who wants to buy yesterday's machine when tomorrow's is just around the corner?

Ahh the life of the upwardly mobile with too much spending cash. When will the suffering ever end?
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 19:54

Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

Luckily I moved out of California 5 years ago!

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) - It doesn't matter if you like to dunk them in milk or twist them apart, Californians may not get to eat Oreos at all after a San Francisco lawyer sued to ban the cookies claiming they're dangerous.

The lawsuit, filed May 1 in Marin County Superior Court, seeks a ban on the black and white cookies, arguing the trans fats that make the filling creamy and the cookie crisp are too dangerous for children to eat.

Of course they are bad for you! They are not made of vegetables, you moron! I know they are putting the pounds on me but you know what? I don't care! They taste so damned good I gotta have 'em!

So shut your pie-hole, you officious prick! Let me eat my Oreos!
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 14:30

You Have Seen Them! They are Everywhere!

I am not talking about religious blowhards making fools of themselves or leftists morons making fools of themselves.. I am talking about South Korean women golfers.

WHEN Grace Park won the Michelob Light Open last Sunday, South Korean newspapers were swept away more by her sexy celebration than her victory.

She threw her putter down, leapt into the arms of caddie David Brooker and wrapped her legs around him.

Nothing could have more stirred a still conservative South Korea. The victory itself is less newsworthy - Koreans winning in the United States is getting quite common.

The likes of Pak Se Ri (20 wins on the LPGA Tour), Park (four), Kim Mi Hyun (five) and Gloria Park (two) have turned the US greens into Korean playgrounds.

Then there is Choi Kyung Ju, 32, winning twice on the PGA Tour, and 13-year-old American-born Michelle Wie making waves in the LPGA.

The nice part about this invasion of Korean golfers is that most of them are not hard on the eyes (especially the women). I mean, why else are you watching women's golf anyway?
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 16:55

Shouldn't The Be More Worried About China?

North Korea has shut off tourists from South Korea (one of the few sources of cold hard cash, oddly enough) becasue they are afraid of SARS. South Korea, of course doesn't have and SARS cases yet (good constitution, don't you know). What they haven't shut off is the flow of people from China where, you know all those SARS cases are. Huh?

he North Korean Red Cross has requested help from the International Committee of the Red Cross in keeping severe acute respiratory syndrome, or SARS, out of the country.
Omar Valdermarson, an official at the Bangkok office of the international body, said in a radio interview, ?Even though North Korea is one of the most isolated states in the world, it is exposed to SARS. The North Korean Red Cross recently asked us to help them prevent the breakout of the infection.?
?There have been no cases of SARS reported from North Korea,? he continued, ?but the North Korean medical system is dilapidated. The country borders on China and faces the risk of exposure.?
North Korea has halted tourist travel from South Korea and postponed other trips there by South Korean delegations because of the fear of the disease.

Imagine if SARS did get loose in North Korea? Tree bark and shoe leather are kind of lacking in the necessary nutrients the body needs in order to fight off SARS. Maybe we should find some volunteers and send them over to have a nice hack-filled afternoon on the Pyongyang subway.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 16:42

OK, My Two Cents Time

I am a Mac-head from way back (as some of you already know). Recently Apple released its iMusic iStore iThing that you access via iTunes. I loaded it up and checked it out. I bought a copy of Enya's Orinoco Flow to test the waters (as it were). Upon first listening I was astounded! The music was wider and more open and cleaner than I ever remember hearing on my butt-hurting Altec Lansing computer speakers. "Could it be the 128-bit AAC codec?" I asked myself.

So I tried a little experiment. I got out the last CD I bought, Moulin Rouge Soundtrack Vol. 2 (what is up with that Vol 1?) and replaced the 224-bit MP3 files I had already ripped with 192-bit M4P (AAC) ripped files. Sounded great. But I noticed that one song (Sparkling Diamonds) hadn't been replaced but added. So now I had two versions!

Time for a test! I got out my equally butt-hurting Radio Shack headphones and ran one file then the other. Immediate results! The older file seemed muddy and close in comparison to the newer file. The highs were higher! The lows were lower. The voices were clearer. The range was wider.

Anyone who disputes this is welcome to drop by and compare for themselves. I have read several reviews running round the 'net and the results are all over the place. Let me just say that I like AAC and will continue using it.

Now I just need a iPod to take advantage off all this goodness.

I have also discovered (like Lileks of a few days ago) that i can get all the cover art I need at amazon.com by clicking on the "See larger picture" link under the graphic on the sales page. Liffe is good (but will get busy! I need my DSL, not this slow crawling dial up!).

posted by corsair the rational pirate at 16:07

KJI Shoots Up!

According to the KCNA, KJI is a big drug user (as if you didn't know that!):

Anecdote about Kim Jong Il
��� Pyongyang, May 5 (KCNA) - General Secretary Kim Jong Il gave on-the-spot guidance to the newly built syringe factory on December 19, Juche 89 (2000). After looking round its production processes, he said he would take some injectors produced there for test use.
��� A few days later, he met an official and told him that he had got injections with the syringes and some of them had pained him. And he said that the pain might be caused by needles, so efforts should be directed to improving the quality of needles for people and servicemen.

I wonder if he injected in his ass... Making these syringes a real pain in the butt?
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 22:12