Search Corsair The Rational Pirate's site powered by FreeFind

---

---

Ok, I really Don't Have a Comment...

But a cheerleader in a giant soccer ball must have been in my fevered dreams at some point in my life!

posted by corsair the rational pirate at 09:52

Nyah Nyah Nyah! I Don't Want to Listen to You!!! I Can't Hear You!

North Korea, in its most third grade style, has decided that since South Korea is hosting the World Cup and it isn't (not that that decrepit wasteland of a failed state could host even the smallest bit of the worlds biggest sports show) it will just ignore the whole thing until it goes away:

Top stories on the North's official Korea Central News Agency (KCNA) focused, as usual, on plaudits and new songs written for leader Kim Jong-il or his late father, state founder Kim Il-sung.

In an analysis based on views of defectors from the North, Seoul's semi-official Yonhap news agency said select citizens and foreign diplomats in the North Korean capital might see highlights of matches a week late on cable television.

The main reason why the World Cup would not be seen by most North Koreans was that "state television has ideological education and regime preservation as its chief purpose; everything else is secondary," it said.

"ideological education" Yeah, I bet that brings in the ratings.

6:00 pm - 6:30 pm     World News - Kim Jong Il tells us what is wrong with the world

6:30 pm - 7:00 pm     Local News - What did Kim Jong Il do today? Did Kim Il Sung do 

                      anything or is he still dead?

7:00 pm - 8:00 pm     All in the Family - Kim Il Sung give his son Kim Jong Il a country.

8:00 pm - 9:00 pm     Kim Jong Il the Capitalist Swine Slayer - Kim Jong Il reduces 

                      capitalism to nothing more than an accident of history while attending 

                      Kim Il Sung University and picking up girls

10:00 pm - Midnight   North Korean Bandstand - Kim Jong ll reviews all the new 

                      songs written about him and his father that day - It has got a good beat 

                      and you can give on the spot guidance to it.

posted by corsair the rational pirate at 09:52

Anti-Science Gubmint Moron Alert!!!

Small minded people who cannot imagine that the world does not revolve around their (and only their) idea of a supreme being are once again telling scientists what they should and should not be teaching. The WaPo has a story about some country bumpkins from Ohio ("Hey, Kids! What's Hi in the middle and round on both ends?") are pressing to have "Inteligent Design" (if I am so intelligently designed, why do I have this wet drippy hting over my mouth? And what's up with the appendix? And wisdom teeth? And the tons of junk DNA in my system? Doesn't seem so intelligent after all) included in high school curricula:

"Where topics are taught that may generate controversy (such as biological evolution), the curriculum should help students to understand the full range of scientific views that exist," the lawmakers wrote in aletter to the Ohio board, quoting the conference report language.

That language was crafted with the help of a leading proponent of "intelligent design theory," which contends that the very complexity of life is evidence that the world was organized by a guiding intelligence.

Hey! History generates controversy. Astronomy generates controversy. Philosophy, zoology, and computer science all have some level of controversy. That doesn't mean they all throw up their hands, give up, and announce that "God did it".

You can go to talkorigins.org to read all you want about evolution. For example:

Indeed, if anything science indicates quite the opposite. Astronomical observations continue to demonstrate that the earth is no more significant than a single grain of sand on a vast beach. While a created, human-centered universe can probably never be ruled out, nothing in our current understanding of cosmology and physics requires it. Furthermore, we are beginning to understand the possible physical mechanisms for the appearance of matter from nothing, and for organization without design.

Intelligent Design proponents fail the most basic tenents in scientific examination: they cannot reproduce their results. Oh, they will tell you that you or I cannot reproduce evolution and that we have never seen it in action (despite arguments to the contrary). But they don't even try! Can't reproduce something in the lab if the "Intelligent Designer" is not there to take part in the experiment. So they put on their wooly mammoth skins and slink back to their caves to dance around the mystical fire.

Then the IDers use the language of science (which they abhor since it cannot validate their religiously inspired delerium) to try and force all of us to beleive as they do:

But intelligent-design theory apparently resonates with the public. In their letter to the Ohio board, Boehner, chairman of the House Committee on Education and the Workforce, and Chabot cited a 2001 Zogby poll that found that 71 percent of those surveyed supported offering students the "scientific evidence against evolution." The two lawmakers suggested that the exclusion of such evidence would amount to a "censorship of opposing points of view."

If they can come up with some "scientific evidence" supported by peer-reviewed articles as well as independent laboratory experimentation then I am all for changing the teaching of evolution. The Theory of Evoluion is evolving itself as we learn more about it. "That proves it is wrong!" screeches the critics. No, that proves it is science. Science now knows that the sun does not revolve around the earth, the moon isn't made of green cheese and the universe wasn't created 6,000 years ago. Things the great unwashed of yesterday believed. Science it able to change as new information is acquired. Religion isn't. What was said hundreds or thousands of years ago (see: the bible, the koran, etc) is the Truth and it may not change. Says who?

Science is trying to answers questions about the world around us. Sometimes some people don't want to know those answers. They are trying desperately to keep us all ignorant. Let us hope they start to spend more time in church and less time in government. Stupid maroons.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 08:24

Aww, Man, He Did it to Me Again.

If you are not reading James Lileks' Daily Bleat at least once per day... there is no excuse that will suffice. Sometimes he hist just the right keys on his computer and makes beautiful music:

Walked west. Saw a small fire station.

A small altar was erected against the wall. Flowers. A picture. A plaque. A newspaper clipping, laminated, taped to the side of the station with a photo of a big grinning guy smiling into the sun. He was dead, of course. This house lost one man and this was their tribute. I read the details of his life, the recollections of his fellow firefighters. He was a happy guy. He told a funny story. He loved his job and he loved New York.

Standing here on a clear calm sunny morning, you could imagine that day with no effort.

Faraway sirens; lots of sirens wailing down the length of the island. The door clatters open, the truck rolls out, turns right, heads south, and that was that.

Everyone came back save one.

The little altar had a toy firetruck and a toy fireman. It�s the goddamn toys that get you. It�s the goddamn teddybears in firefighter coats. You can understand what the adults who constructed this memorial were feeling, but when you wonder if the toys were left by the dead man�s children, you see ninety-nine shades of red.

Everything public in New York is fair game for some sort of defacement. Everything gets kicked over or scribbled on or slapped with a handbill or a scrawled screw-you.

The altar was pristine.

*Sniff*
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 11:50

Ahhhh!

I have been "Not Found!" according to blogpsot.

What a creepy feeling.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 11:44

Compare and Contrast...

In some countries (see almost any Arab despotic regime) people use their children as explosive delivery devices. In others (see North Korea) people fight tooth and nail to make their children's life better.

Compare and contrast (as my old english teacher used to order us) these pics:

Little girl used as human bomb

Little girl watching as Mom fights desperately to make it to freedom

Which society would you rather live in?

posted by corsair the rational pirate at 10:31

Take This, You Whip Cacking Muttawa Asshole!

(Via Little Green Footballs) Seems that the US gubmint is going to start treating our wimmen-folk like US citizens instead of beaten-down Islamic Walk Behinds.

WASHINGTON (May 15, 2002 11:24 a.m. EDT) - U.S. servicewomen in Saudi Arabia should never be required or encouraged to wear Muslim-style head-to- toe robes, the House said Tuesday, unanimously pushing the Pentagon to eliminate the abaya from servicewomen's wardrobes.

"I am puzzled by the fact that our female military personnel are treated like second-class citizens while stationed on soil they're defending from Iraqi aggression," Rep. John Hostettler, R-Ind., said during House debate.

How this shit ever got appoved in the first place is beyond me.

"Ooh, wouldn't want to hurt the delicate sensibilities of the backward-ass 14th century goat herder Saudis!" Insisted one clueless government drone in 1990. "Lets make all our women dress up in potato sacks so no ankles or elbows are shown to the barbarians. You know they can't control themselves."

The Defense (of everyone but our women, I guess) Department said the policy was to protect our females (I guess from the idiot Islamonazis that can't keep their dicks in their dresses once they see a real woman).

Central Command officials had said wearing an abaya made servicewomen less likely to face harassment or attack.

Government-paid religious police called the muttawa roam the streets to enforce dress and other restrictions. While they have reduced their profile and abandoned many of their harsh methods of previous years, they remain a force to contend with by women not clad according to muttawa specifications.

I have a better idea! Why don't we issue women the following outfits and accessories and let them walk the "safe" streets of Arabia and see if any cultural misanthropes force them to do anything

Or, if that doesn't get their attention, how about:

The only "cover" these women need to do their job (on or off duty) is the one on their head!!

posted by corsair the rational pirate at 08:55

People Are Idiots

Whatever happened to the sort of people who 100 years ago set out from St. Louis in covered wagons braving heat and cold and indians and rattlesnakes for the chance of a better life in California and Oregon and Washingon? They ate bad food, slept on the ground, got diseases and managed to live through it all. Not all of them, of course but enough of them managed to survive long enough to have children which made things a little better who had children who made things even better who... You get the picture.

Well, along the way to making things better, it appears that the descendents of those pioneering folks of old have turned into sissies, mama's boys (and girls), wimps, and panty-waisted morons. According to this story:

ALISO VIEJO, Calif. - An unidentified fluid leaked from a package in an Orange County office building Monday morning, with intoxicating results.

At least four workers felt ill after breathing the fumes. The building was quickly evacuated and an Orange County Fire Department Hazardous Waste team was dispatched.

The dangerous fluid?

"It was 80-proof Russian vodka," said Scott Lake, a spokesman for the Orange County Fire Department.

Not only is this an exceptionally egregious form of alcohol abuse (well, what else would you call it?!?) it is also a wake up call for all those girly-men and women out there who faint at the site of... clear liquid?

The discovery was made after the Department's Hazardous Materials Team had sprayed four workers with decontaminants and sent a firefighter in a special suit to inspect the contents of the bag.

The firefighter found a broken bottle of vodka inside.

There were unconfirmed reports that some employees of the Fluor Daniel office were transported to local hospitals.

Did you read that part? "Transported to local hospitals." Because a liquid leaked out of a box.

I envision an entire office filled with nancy-boys wearing expensive suits with fancy macrame kleenex box holders on their desks (so they have something to blot their foreheads with if they are ever overcome with the vapors) spritzing Lysol onto the phone after anyone uses it. They get a box (delivered by that absolutely deliscious Fedex Man!), it falls on the floor, and while Enrique is attempting to clean it up he notices a "liquid". Not stopping to think, he hits the panic button which sends blood pressures soaring causing untold numbers of professional office workers to check their insurance coverage to see if it covers ambulance trips due to panic attacks.

As Sgt Stryker once ordered "Jesus, grow a pair!" What the hell would this country have come to if it had been settled by a bunch of limp wristed weaklings who fainted at the sight of vodka? Would have killed the Western Movie industry for one.

The fireman spokeman set the right tone for this whole debacle:

Lake doubted that anyone was facing any lingering medical problems.

"It's really only dangerous if they drink it and try to drive," Lake said.

Damn straight. And it took a FIREMAN to show them waht weasles they are.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 16:47

Dem Catholics Got a Deal You Can't Refuse

Monty Python has a sketch wherein a couple of mafia thugs show up at a British army base an start threatening the commander in order to get protection money:

Sergeant: (John Cleese) Two civilian gentlemen to see you ... sir!

Colonel: Show them in please, sergeant.

Sergeant: Mr Dino Vercotti and Mr Luigi Vercotti.

(The Vercotti brothers enter. They wear Mafia suits and dark glasses.)

Dino: (Terry Jones) Good morning, Colonel.

Colonel: Good morning gentlemen. Now what can I do for you.

Luigi: (Michael Palin) (looking round office casually) You've ... you've got a nice army base here, Colonel.

Colonel: Yes.

Luigi: We wouldn't want anything to happen to it.

Colonel: What?

Dino: No, what my brother means is it would be a shame if... (he knocks something off mantel)

Colonel: Oh.

Dino: Oh sorry, Colonel.

Colonel: Well don't worry about that. But please do sit down.

Luigi: No, we prefer to stand, thank you, Colonel.

Colonel: All right. All right. But what do you want?

Dino: What do we want, ha ha ha.

Luigi: Ha ha ha, very good, Colonel.

Dino: The Colonel's a joker, Luigi.

Luigi: Explain it to the Colonel, Dino.

Dino: How many tanks you got, Colonel?

Colonel: About five hundred altogether.

Luigi: Five hundred! Hey!

Dino: You ought to be careful, Co1onel.

Colonel: We are careful, extremely careful.

Dino: 'Cos things break, don't they?

Colonel: Break?

Luigi: Well everything breaks, don't it Colonel. (he breaks something on desk) Oh dear.

Dino: Oh see my brother's clumsy Colonel, and when he gets unhappy he breaks things. Like say, he don't feel the army's playing fair by him, he may start breaking things, Colonel.

Colonel: What is all this about?

Luigi: How many men you got here, Colonel?

Colonel: Oh, er ... seven thousand infantry, six hundred artillery, and er, two divisions of paratroops.

Luigi: Paratroops, Dino.

Dino: Be a shame if someone was to set fire to them.

Colonel: Set fire to them?

Luigi: Fires happen, Colonel.

Dino: Things burn.

Colonel: Look, what is all this about?

Dino: My brother and I have got a little proposition for you Colonel.

Luigi: Could save you a lot of bother.

Dino: I mean you're doing all right here aren't you, Colonel?

Luigi: Well suppose some of your tanks was to get broken and troops started getting lost, er, fights started breaking out during general inspection, like.

Dino: It wouldn't be good for business would it, Colonel?

Colonel: Are you threatening me?

Dino: Oh, no, no, no.

Luigi: Whatever made you think that, Colonel?

Dino: The Colonel doesn't think we're nice people, Luigi.

Luigi: We're your buddies, Colonel.

Dino: We want to look after you.

Colonel: Look after me?

Luigi: We can guarantee you that not a single armoured division will get done over for fifteen bob a week.

Colonel: No, no, no.

Luigi: Twelve and six.

Colonel: No, no, no.

Luigi: Eight and six ... five bob...

Colonel: No, no this is silly.

I am reminded of this sketch when I read the following article in this morning's WaPo about the Catholic Church's attempts to intimidate the accusers in some of the sex cases now on display throuhout the country.

Roman Catholic Church Shifts Legal Strategy
Aggressive Litigation Replaces Quiet Settlements

Besieged by hundreds of lawsuits accusing clergy and employees of abusing the faithful, the Catholic Church has responded with a muscular display of legal power. Where once the church tried to quietly settle cases, according to church and plaintiff lawyers, it is now pursuing an aggressive litigation strategy, hiring high-powered law firms and private detectives to examine the personal lives of the church's accusers, fighting to keep documents secret and engaging in new tactics to minimize settlements.

So now instead of owning up to the serious issues that the church has with sexuality, the members of its church, and abuse of some of its followers by others of its followers it sends round the bully boys to make a few "observations".

In Illinois, church lawyers grilled a victim about the details of his alleged abuse by a priest and asked whether he enjoyed it. In Pennsylvania, a young man who sued the church as a "John Doe" was forced to refile when he turned 18 so he could be identified. In Ohio, a mother whose son wasmolested by a Catholic school principal angrily dropped her suit after her teenage son left a deposition in tears.

I imagine it goes something like this:

Church Thug: So you got a good life going here, little boy. Ya know, except for the "unpleasentness".

Little Boy: Yeah.

Church Thug: Well, things could get a lot more "unpleasent" unless you start shutting your mouth, knowhatImean?

Little Boy: Yeah, I guess.

Church Thug: Good. Now skip on back to choir practice and let us hear no more about this...

Prosecutors in some jurisdictions have begun talking about using the federal racketeering (RICO) statutes against the Catholic church. The terms aiding and abetting come into play when you have higher ups in the hierarchy knowingly covering up the abuses of its members (and all the legal verbal twisting about priest being "independent contractors" is a load of rubbish. If a priest if an "independent contractor" so is Luigi the knee breaker). So the similarities between the catholic church and the mob become more and more pronounced.

Sometime in the future, I see prosecutors working their way up the chain of command in the catholic church knocking off one "boss" after another. What will that lead to? I wonder if the Pope can run the church from prison?
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 08:35

OK. Third World Poo Extractor Story Warning.

It seems that in China they have yet to completely embrace the wonders of modern sanitation... Especially flush toilets.

Excrement collection in China is a daily routine. The contents of your potty end up on a cart, the cart goes out to the fields, and the poo ends up on the veg. Human manure is keeping the nation�s 400 million smallholders in fertiliser as it has done since time out of mind. In Beijing�s hutongs, the ancient alleyways, they now use motorised shit-tankers with glass-dial indicators. You know the container is full when the glass goes brown.

I remember being in Korea and having to do the "kimchi squat" at all manner of disgusting venues in order to rid myself of my last meal. Some were worse than others but the old bus station in Song Tan takes the cake.

I also spent some time in Bali learning not to fall over while I squated down to do my business. With no running water (or electricity for that matter) it was up to me to "wash my troubles away" with a bucket and a scoop.

With the Olympics going to China in six years� time, and with China now a member of the World Trade Organisation, Beijing no longer wants to look as though it�s home to a billion proles squatting willy-nilly. The Toilet Summit is thus a Social Leap Forward that Mao, the Great Helmsman, would have been proud of. There is nothing about the nation�s loos in the Little Red Book. However, President Jiang Zemin himself is on record as saying, �Why is it we can make a satellite but not a toilet that doesn�t stink?�

Ahh, the joys of western civilization. Take that, barbaric squatters! I am off for a visit to the "library".
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 13:14

Now the Japanese are Getting Pissed

More fallout from China's heavy-handed policy on invading other country's soveriegn territory in the search for North Koreans:

BEIJING, May 9 -- China, on the defensive in an escalating diplomatic conflict, said today its military police were providing "protection" for diplomatic staff when they entered a Japanese consulateWednesday and seized a family of North Koreans seeking asylum there.

Japan immediately rejected the explanation, and again demanded that Beijing hand over the five people who were captured after rushing the mission in the northeastern city of Shenyang.

So low level morons who didn't know better invade Japan. China then tries to cover for low level morons by insisting it wasn't an invasion. Japan, to its creidt calls them on it and wants the folks back.

Who is China trying to placate here? North Korea is a wacky basket case that can't possibly be worth all the trouble it is putting China through. Again, what does China get out of this relationship? They get to ship money and food to North Korea whilst angering the largest economies (Japan and Korea) in the area. And for what? What happens to the relationship when the Japanese and South Koreans start boycotting Chinese goods? Or raising tarriffs? Or shutting down trade all together to protest China's heavy handed stupidity?

In Tokyo, criticism of the government's handling of the incident focused on the Japanese staff at the consulate.

A videotape showed all five North Koreans were inside the consulate grounds when they were seized by Chinese police, the Kyodo news agency reported, contradicting statements by Japanese officials who said three were arrested at the gate.

This policy is now even making life hard for the Japanese government! No one seems to be winning! Excpet maybe North Korea which gets the escapees back and can set them to work as slave labor for a couple of months until they drop dead of disease of starvation.

The old dudes in the central committee need to pull their heads out and see who their (economic) friends really are. Drop North Korea like yesterday's ugly fashions and go a'courting its more prosperous neighbors.

And if they need more advice, send them 'round my way.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 08:40

And the Drip Becomes a Flood

As I thought after the last incidence of North Koreans storming into an embassy in China, the practice is becoming more pronounced every day.

Twenty-five North Koreans have forced their way into the Spanish embassy in the Chinese capital, Beijing to seek political asylum.

The last time it was seven North Koreans, this time 25. Next time?

This will only get worse unless the Chinese:

1. Round up all the usual suspects, send them back to North Korea, and seal the border or

2. Admit they have a problem and enter a 12-step program that will help them deal with it which would include:

admitting that these people really do not want to live in North Korea (despite what the government there says)

set up some camps near the border to process those who do manage to escape

get the ever-helpful UN in there to manage things

move the people out of the camps and on to South Korea as quickly as possible and let the South Koreans deal with them

But China has said its initial examination has found the group, who say they want to go to South Korea, are not refugees.

Beijing regards North Koreans in China as economic migrants who must be sent home.

They appear to be taking road number 1 at this point. That will not continue to be the case as the flood grows and grows. When you start to see North Koreans messily killing themselves on TV rather that go back "home" then China - which wants to look squeaky clean for its upcoming Olympics - will have to switch over to road number 2. This will, of course incure the wrath of North Korea... but who cares. What does China get from North Korea (besides refugees) anyway?

Of course with the World Cup starting up real soon in South Korea and Japan and the eyes of the world turned in that direction you can expect to see even more of these embassy encounters as the days and weeks unfold.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 11:35

And Now a Break from the Craziness in the Middle East

To look at some craziness here. Below be prepared to view a perfect example of what I like to call "Irrational Moronism". According to this story in the WaPo this morning animals have a "right to privacy" as specified in our most hallowed of writings, the Bill of Rights.

The Smithsonian Institution's National Zoo has taken the position that viewing animal medical records would violate the animal's right to privacy and be an intrusion into the zookeeper-animal relationship.

This means that Snoopy, Garfield the Cat, Tony the Tiger, and other assorted animals (let me say that one more time... animals. You know, the ones who live outside and we frequently have at our dinner table - an not as a guest) have, according to the Smithsonian possibly more protection for their medical histories than I do. It seems that any two-bit drug company or insurance hack can have access to my records to do who-knows what unspeakable acts with but not to some Simba the caged lion.

"One reason [for denying the records request] is privacy," Spelman wrote. "Certainly, the privacy rules that apply to human medical records, and the physician-patient relationship, do not apply in precisely the same way to animal medicine at a public institution like the National Zoo. But we believe they do in principle."

They do not apply in the same way? Uhm, despite this person's probably treating her house pets as her children (an icky practice to say the least) they are not people!! They do not have privacy rights! Why look there! I can see them pooping, having marital relations, and picking bugs out of their fur right in front of me! If they are willing to put on such a show for what, what need can they have of doctor-patient relationship. Next thing you know they will get legal representation and have screens put up so they can pursue their lives with a modicum of privacy.

Harvard University's Laurence Tribe, who supports the introduction of legislation to permit people or certain groups to legally represent animals subject to abuse, said that the least likely designee to protect an animal's welfare is a zookeeper.

"It is sort of the fox guarding the hen house," Tribe said. "They are clearly the ones whose neglect or mistreatment might be at issue."

Ahh that Larry Tribe, always with the one-liners.

If Zoos really are at the forefront of medical record privacy, expect to see people lining up at the zoo for treatment they would like to keep secret.
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 08:28

I Have Mentioned This Before

I now have two daughters. They are, of course, the light of my life and I would do anything in my power to make sure they grow up happy, healthy, and fulfilled in everything they do. I am ready to sacrifice things that I want in order to make things better for them (sort of what makes you human). That is why I have such a hard time relating to the "people" who would do something as atrocious as this:

I am not sure what they scribbling on the hat reads (something along the lines of "My daddy is an asshole" I think) but I now believe that those of the Palestinian (and possibly a wider Arab world) persuasion are in fact Martians (and if they are not Martians, I do apologize for dragging their good name into this). What human could dress their tiny little daughter up like this, hang an explosive device around her neck and parade he around for photographs decrying his own inhumanity?

"Just think, Fatima, someday our daughter will grow up big and strong and blow her head off with this grenade and hopefully take a few of the Allah accursed Jewish devils with her"

"Allah Ahkbar!"

Shit for brains! If you are so fired up that you would sacrifice your daughter to this insanity, why don't you grow a pair and go fight the Israelis yourself. What kind of Man are you? Pussy! Maybe you could kill a 5-year old in her bed, get killed yourself, and then spend eternity as an outhouse for Satan after a three alarm chili banquet!

Argh! Losing ability to type...

posted by corsair the rational pirate at 12:29

Baby Update!

Corsair the Newest Baby is doing wonderfully. She was 7 pounds 9 ounces and all of 21 inches long. They sure do make them damn small these days.

Except for her penchant to party the night away with her bleary eyed parents, she does all the things one would expect from one her age: eat, poop, sleep.

Not that anyone is missing my Rational Ramblings but I will be back as soon as I wash this poop off my hands...
posted by corsair the rational pirate at 12:20